


Moving On, Starting Over

by Mollygail



Series: Neal’s New Life [1]
Category: White Collar
Genre: Christian Character, Gen, Kinda Fluffy, Light Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Permanent Injury, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-08 16:24:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16432841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mollygail/pseuds/Mollygail
Summary: Takes place at the end of season five. Peter decides not to go to DC after Neal’s commutation is granted. Neal has decided to leave New York to start fresh somewhere (anywhere) else. Peter is still angry and distrustful of Neal. Elizabeth has never apologized to Neal for putting pressure on him to help Peter, and abandoning him to the consequences.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been a little nervous about posting this one.

Chapter one  
This was not the way he had thought his life would end. He had thought his end would come during some dramatic heist, or while running to evade capture. Maybe he’d be shot by some trigger happy guard or, in more recent years, in an FBI mission gone bad. Although, right now he was not even sure where he was or what had happened. He just seemed to know that he must be dying. It was dark and he couldn’t move. He felt pain and confusion. There were flashing lights and sirens; maybe this made sense after all. Someone was shouting at him; pulling at him. Then there was just blackness.  
He woke to bright lights and strange smells. A steady beeping noise which was somehow comforting. As he lay there he realized he was in a hospital, and he tried to remember what had happened. His memories seemed to be engulfed in a fog. He remembered Peter telling him he was just a criminal and would always be a criminal. There had been no fond goodbye from Peter and Elizabeth when he left. Tears came to his eyes and he tried to think of other things. He remembered Mozzie telling him ‘guys like us' could never change. ‘Once a con, always a con.’ No, that made him want to cry too. When he had stubbornly declared to Mozzie that he was going straight Mozzie had told him he was conning himself and had walked away. When Neal had tried to call Moz later all of his phones were disconnected. June was the only one who had offered him any encouragement by telling him she loved him and kissing him on the cheek when he left. She had postponed her own trip just so she could be there to see him off. June loved him the way he was, and not for what she could get out of him. He drifted off to sleep thinking of June.  
The next time he woke there was a nurse checking his blood pressure. When she saw that he was awake she smiled at him. “Good morning, how are you feeling? Are you in pain?”  
“Umm, I don’t know. ‘m thirsty. A little headache. My leg hurts. What happened to me?”  
She gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder and explained that he had been in a car accident. “I’ll get you something for the pain and tell the doctor you have some questions for him. You just try to relax, Mr. Bennet. The doctor should just be a few minutes.”  
Bennet? Oh, right. He remembered. He had wanted a new start. No more aliases, no more lies and definitely no more prison. His real name was Neal Bennet, and he had a real birth certificate and driver’s license to prove it. Not that he liked using the name Bennet, but he had come to hate the lies even more. He had spent most of his adult life using the name Neal Caffrey, but now he hated that name. Caffrey was a liar, thief, conman, and forger who left nothing but unhappiness in his wake. He had tried to help Peter by clearing his name of the murder James had committed, but all Peter could see was that Caffrey had gone about it the wrong way. Caffrey had wanted to go straight and make Peter proud of him, but that had been impossible after his father framed Peter for murder. He didn’t regret anything he had done to get Peter out of prison, but the contempt and anger he received in return would probably never stop haunting him. Although, now that he thought about it, maybe he did regret getting Peter out of prison. Maybe he should have left him there, because Peter loved the justice system more than real justice. But, there were no ‘do-overs’ in life. It was time to cut his losses and move on.  
**************************  
“Mr. Bennet, it’s good to see you’re awake. My name is Dr. Ross and I’m the surgeon who operated on you. I’m sure you have some questions.”  
Neal looked at the surgeon with confusion and apprehension. “My questions are: What happened? What surgery? And when can I get out of here? Oh, and where am I? Obviously I know I’m in a hospital, but I was traveling and I’m not sure about the city and state.”  
With a kind smile the doctor answered his questions. “I’ll begin with the easy question first. You’re in Indiana; a small town east of Indianapolis. You were in an accident on the highway. A semi-truck lost a tire which rolled and bounced across the median and hit your car. You were trapped for a short time and emergency workers cut you out of your car and brought you here. You sustained a concussion, some relatively minor internal injuries. The most serious injury was to your left leg. I’m sorry to say that it was crushed quite severely and we were forced to amputate it. There really was no possibility of saving it. I’m sorry. The police did try to find your next of kin but they didn’t have any luck. Apparently there was no one home at the address listed on your driver’s license.” He placed a comforting hand on Neal’s shoulder and waited for the news to sink in. Maybe Neal was in shock, because the news of his leg being amputated didn’t seem to upset him. He just turned his head away and stared out of the window. The doctor continued, “You’ll be ready to be discharged from the hospital in a few days but you will need physical therapy. In a few months you can be fitted for a prosthetic leg. You may not be ready to see the bright side of this right now but the fact that the amputation was below the knee is good news.” The doctor paused to give Neal a moment to process the situation. “Is there anyone we can contact for you?”  
“No, there’s no one right now.” June was in Georgia visiting her daughter for a few weeks; he didn’t want to interrupt her visit. Neal turned his head slowly to look toward his legs. Covered by the blanket he could see their outline. The leg on the left gone a few inches below the knee. The ankle which had worn the GPS tracker for four years was gone. The anklet had only been gone for a day when he left New York. He had wondered how long it would take to get used to it not being there. No need to wonder about that anymore. Sighing, he looked at the doctor again. “Ok, what now? You said therapy. Tell me about that.”  
“Maybe you would like to be transferred back home for therapy. You’re from New York, right?”  
“I left New York looking for a change. A new beginning. New York isn’t home anymore. I was driving west with no specific destination. This is as good a place as any to settle for a while.”  
“I’ll have someone come and talk to you about options for your therapy. There is an excellent rehab facility that does in-patient therapy. We can also put you in touch with a lawyer who has expressed interest in your case. The trucking company apparently has a history of poor maintenance and has been fined several times. They were definitely at fault in your accident. This lawyer…a bit of an ambulance chaser but an honest one. I know him personally. He’ll do whatever he can to make sure the company responsible will take care of your expenses. For now you should try to eat something and get some rest. I’ll have someone bring you some broth and jello and we’ll see how you do with that. If you have any more questions let us know. You will get through this.”  
The next few days passed in a haze. With the exception of hospital staff and the lawyer he had no visitors. There had been a time when he could have counted on Peter and Elizabeth to visit him if he was in a hospital. Elizabeth would have brought him decent food and flowers. Even Diana and Jones would probably have stopped by. But those days were long gone and he needed to focus on the future. He was not a needy, weak person who needed someone to hold his hand and brush the hair off his forehead. He wasn’t going to lay here whimpering and crying himself to sleep. He’d survived more in his life than most people could ever imagine and he wasn’t about to let this turn of events break him.  
He spent quite a bit of his time thinking about what life with an amputated leg would be like. No more daring escapes or crazy jumps from one rooftop to another? Well, he’d already decided he was done with that craziness anyway. With a prosthetic leg he could still walk and lead a normal life. He wouldn’t let it hold him back. If there was one thing he excelled at it was adapting to change.  
The news from the lawyer was good. The trucking company knew they would lose any lawsuit and so they were willing to be generous with the settlement. His hospital and therapy bills would be taken care of. The new car and wad of money they were offering would enable him to live comfortably for a few years. Maybe he could be a starving artist minus the actual starvation.  
He laid awake at night thinking about the last four years and everything that had happened between himself and Peter. Maybe Peter had been right about more than Neal had been willing to admit. In the beginning he had wanted to make the deal with Peter to get out of prison so that he could find Kate. When he had nearly shot Fowler, Peter had compromised his principles and covered for him. Neal was innocent of stealing the Nazi treasure, but when he found out that Mozzie had done it Neal kept it a secret. He wished he had been able to tell Peter about being blackmailed by Hagen, but at that point there was too much mistrust of each other. Maybe he deserved Peter’s anger and mistrust. There was no point dwelling on ‘what-ifs’ and ‘if onlys’. He hated the expression ‘it is what it is,' but there was no denying that it was what it was.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only medical knowledge I have concerning recovery from a leg amputation is the result of internet research. If you are an actual amputee please forgive the inaccuracies.

It had been early April when he left New York. He had thought he’d spend the months of Spring traveling but, here it was, early May and he had been living in the rehab facility for just over two weeks. Basically, it was just a less restrictive version of a hospital. When he wasn’t in therapy sessions he had plenty of free time to make plans for the future. The first thing he needed to do was find a place to live. He didn’t know how long he’d be staying in this area and didn’t want to have to sign a lease on an apartment. He decided to talk to his physical therapist about his situation during his next therapy session. Maybe Kevin would have some suggestions.  
His therapist, Kevin, was a friendly and talkative man who Neal had felt at ease with right from the start. During his frequent therapy sessions he had even told Kevin about his past as a criminal turned FBI snitch, which was how he now thought of his time working with Peter. To his surprise, and relief, Kevin seemed to accept that he had paid for his crimes and deserved a fresh start. He hoped that Kevin could help him get that fresh start. As they finished up his afternoon therapy session Neal took a deep, calming breath. Asking for help was not something he did often. “Kevin, I was wondering if you could give me some advice. I’ll be needing a place to live when I get out of here, but since I’m not sure how long I’ll be staying in this area I don’t want a long term lease. Do you have any suggestions?”  
Kevin pushed a stool in front of Neal’s wheelchair and sat down. “Well, there is an extended stay hotel, but that would get pretty expensive. There is also a motel across town that rents rooms by the week, but it’s a dump.” He paused a moment and appeared to be deep in thought. “There may be another solution but I’ll have to do some checking and get back to you later. Give me a day or two. Ok?”  
“Sure, I don’t guess I’ll be getting out of here any time soon anyway. I see your next patient is here so I’d better let you get back to work. Thanks, Kevin,” Neal said as he backed his wheelchair around to leave.  
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Neal.”  
“See ya,” Neal said as he rolled away.  
It was not quite time for dinner so he went back to his room to relax for a bit. As he turned on the tv he smiled and thought about what the White Collar crew would say if they knew that Neal Caffrey had become addicted to watching the Andy Griffith Show. It was fun critiquing the criminal’s exploits, but it wasn’t just that. Had there ever really been such a simple time or place? He was sure there hadn’t been, but it was pure escapism. Even as a kid he had never watched much television. He usually preferred reading, studying, or artistic pursuits. As a result, all of the old tv shows were new to him. He watched until they came and told him it was time to eat.  
**************************  
The next day he was scheduled for a morning therapy session and they woke him early. He got himself out of bed, showered and dressed himself without needing any help. He really didn’t think he would need to stay in rehab for very long but he still didn’t know where he was going to stay when he left. And, with the trucking company paying the bill there was really no rush to leave.  
After breakfast he rolled himself to his therapy appointment.  
“Good morning, Kevin. How’s it going?”  
“Neal, I may have some good news for you. My wife’s sister may have a place for you to stay. She inherited an old farmhouse that she is renovating and she could use a little help. There’s an apartment in the back of the house that you could stay in. It’s small; just a bedroom, bathroom, tiny living room and a kitchenette. Would you be willing to do some work in exchange for a place to stay?”  
“Well, sure, but I’m not sure how much I’d be able to do. The prosthetist said it will be a month or so before I can get fitted for a prosthetic. How much can I do on crutches?”  
“Actually, I think you can do quite a bit. You would be able to do yard work using the riding lawn mower. The wainscoting needs painting and you could do that while sitting in your wheelchair. Oh, and there’s also the chickens. You could feed the chickens and collect the eggs.”  
Neal prided himself on his ability to hide his thoughts and emotions. A good poker face was essential in his former line of work. But, judging by the amusement on Kevin’s face he was sure his poker face had failed him.  
“Chickens? You did say chickens, right? The only thing I know about chickens is how to cook them.”  
He could see Kevin struggling to hold back a laugh. “Don’t worry about it. Megan can teach you how to care for the chickens. If you’re interested I could have Megan come by so you can get to know each other. What do you think, Neal?”  
“It wouldn’t bother you having an ex-con living with your sister-in-law?” Neal was used to people being suspicious of his motives and actions. He found it nearly impossible to believe anyone would trust him in such a situation.  
“Well, you told me you wanted a fresh start. It seems to me if you planned on continuing your criminal ways you would have kept them a secret. And I suspect Megan will want references and a background check.”  
“I think I can provide references but I can’t imagine she’ll want me in her house after the background check. But, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to meet her and let her decide for herself. Anyway, it would be nice to have a visitor. This place can get pretty boring.”  
Kevin laughed. “I can imagine it does get a bit boring. I’ll have her come by soon. Now, let’s get to work. We need to get you ready to get out of here.”  
****************************************  
Megan McConnell, his potential landlady, came to visit him the next day. She was a petite woman with blue eyes and wavy auburn hair. She had a soft, soothing voice and a shy smile that seemed to light up the room and Neal’s heart as well.  
She knocked softly on the door as she entered his room. “Hi, I’m Megan, Kevin’s sister-in-law. I thought you might like some company.”  
“I would love some company. Come in; sit down. It’s very nice of you to stop by.” He was watching another Andy Griffith episode and he picked up the remote control to turn off the tv.  
“You like The Andy Griffith Show?”  
“Yes. I’ve never really watched much tv, and I’ve only seen a few episodes of Andy before. I find it relaxes me.”  
“Yeah, I know what you mean. It’s one of my favorite shows.” She smiled shyly at him. “So, Kevin told me you’re looking for a place to stay and might be interested in the little apartment I have in the back of my house. I thought it might be good for us to get acquainted.” She began telling him about herself. He was amazed when she told him she had been a police officer for a few years. Now she was a home-care nurse. Understandably, she was hesitant to take in a drifter and wanted to know more about him before she agreed to the deal. He told her that with his current physical limitations he might not be as much help as she needed, but he’d help out as much as possible. She continued to visit him almost on a daily basis and they spent evenings together talking. She told him about being a cop and why she had quit. She had been shot during a routine traffic stop and, after recovering from her injuries, had suffered from PTSD. Her return to work had not gone well. She had faced her fears and overcome them but her heart wasn’t in the job anymore. He told her about his past. He told her about his father being a murderer and a dirty cop. He told her about witness protection and his alcoholic, abusive mother. Bond forgery, prison, FBI snitch. He held nothing back. As a result she asked for references. He had expected that.  
The evening after she left with the contact information for his references he knew he had better call June before Megan did. He really should have called her long before now but he just hadn’t been up to it emotionally. June knew that Peter and Mozzie had both cut him out of their lives and she knew how deeply he felt the loss of the two best friends he had ever had. But June was like a mother to him and she deserved to know what was going on in his life. He dialed the phone and waited for her to answer.  
When the housekeeper answered Neal asked to speak to June and a short moment later he heard her gentle voice. “Hello?”  
“June, it’s so good to hear your voice. How are you?” He hoped he didn’t sound as nervous as he felt. She would be the first to hear about his leg amputation and he didn’t know how she would take the news. He didn’t want pity.  
“I’m fine, dear. How are you?”  
Neal was quiet for a moment before answering her question. “I’m fine. Well…I will be fine. The thing is, well….I had a car accident the night I left New York and I was in the hospital for about a week. Now I’m in a rehab facility. I don’t want you to worry though. I really will be fine. But…they had to amputate my left leg below the knee. I know I should have called you earlier but I really didn’t want you to worry.”  
“Oh, Neal, dear, of course I worry. I worried about you when Kate died and they put you back in prison. I worried when you were in Cape Verde. You are like a son to me and mothers always worry about their children. But, of course you will be all right. You have an inner strength that has gotten you through so much adversity. You are resilient. And you know if you need anything you can count on me to help. Do you want me to come and bring you home? We will get you the best care for your recovery.”  
Neal felt ashamed of himself for doubting how June would handle the news of his injury. She was truly amazing. “No, June, as much as I miss you I don’t want to come back to New York yet. I’m in Indiana, and I’ve decided to stay here for my recovery. I’ll be getting out of rehab soon and I think I’ve found a place to live for a while. I’ve given your phone number to the lady who, I hope, will be my new landlady. She very wisely asked for references and I gave her your number as well as Jones’ number. Be honest with her, though. Don’t try to make me sound like an angel because I’ve already told her about a lot of my past.”  
June laughed softly. “No, dear, I would never try to make you sound like an angel. But I will tell her you are kind, thoughtful, and trustworthy.” She heard what sounded like a bitter sort of laugh from Neal. “Neal! Don’t let me hear you doubt that. You have never let me down. You always come through for your friends whether they appreciate it or not.”  
“Thank you June. I love you so much. Thank you for all you’ve done for me. I’m sorry I didn’t call you sooner and I promise I will stay in touch from now on. But, I should let you go so I can call Jones and let him know he can expect a call from Megan.”  
“Ok. But you had better keep that promise. Goodbye.”  
“Bye, June. I love you.”  
When he called Jones he was relieved that there was no answer. He left a voicemail telling Jones to expect a call from someone wanting a reference.  
The next day Megan came to visit him again. “Good morning. How are you doing today?”  
“Well, I’m doing ok. It’s weird, but it seems like I’m having more problems now with phantom sensations than when I first had the amputation. But, it’s not pain like I’ve heard a lot of amputees experience. It’s nothing I can’t deal with. I’m ready to get out of here and I feel pretty confident about being able to get around without help. How are you doing?”  
“I talked to June. She seems like a lovely person. She seems very fond of you. I haven’t had time to contact agent Jones, yet.”  
“June is a very special person. I called and left a voicemail for Jones and told him to expect your call, and I also told him to answer any questions you might have. I didn’t tell him about my accident but, if the subject comes up, go ahead and tell him. I’m tired of secrets but I’m still not comfortable with the whole ‘open and honest’ concept. I’ll leave it to you to spill my guts about my situation.” She laughed at that and sat down next to him on the little sofa in the visiting room.  
“Ok then, I’d be happy to spill your guts, figuratively speaking of course. Is Agent Jones a close friend of yours?”  
“No, he's more of a friendly co-worker. He’ll be totally honest with you about my good and bad points. I’ve already told you more about my past than I’ve ever told anyone. To be honest that freaks me out a little bit.” He hesitated a moment, “And I told you about my conviction for bond forgery, but there were allegations of other crimes. Nothing violent though. Anyway, talk to Jones. Let me know what you decide. If you don’t want an ex-con living in your house I won’t hold it against you.”  
Megan laughed at that and then looked away for a moment. Looking back at him she said, “The funny thing is I find myself trusting you. That’s not normal for me. But Kevin seems to think you’re ok and he’s pretty good at reading people. You know, besides his full-time job as a physical therapist he is also a Baptist pastor.” Neal was surprised to hear that. Kevin had mentioned God now and then but hadn’t said anything about being a pastor. “I do feel like you’ve been honest with me and, after talking to June, I don’t think I’ll be saying no to you. You know, she didn’t just tell me how wonderful you are. That would have set off alarm bells in my head. She told me you were a conman and a thief but that you are also a loyal and devoted friend. I guess you should know that I had friend in the police department do a background check. It didn’t turn up anything you hadn’t already told me. I’ll call Agent Jones and then call you. I hear they might let you out of here tomorrow afternoon.”  
“Yes, that’s what they told me. Like I said before, I’m ready to get out of here. If you decide you don’t want me to stay I’ll understand.” As Megan got up to leave Neal grabbed his crutches and stood. “Thanks for coming to see me. I’ve really enjoyed your visits. But, if you’d rather not have me staying at your place I can get a hotel room here in town while I look for an apartment. I’ll be ok, you know?” Taking his hand, she nodded and smiled.  
“Yes, I’m sure you’ll be ok. I’ll talk to you later.”  
***********************************************  
Jones had just gotten back to his desk with his coffee when his phone started ringing. He answered it abruptly, “Special Agent Jones”.  
“Hello agent Jones, my name is Megan McConnell and I’m calling regarding Neal Bennett. He said you knew him better as Neal Caffrey. Anyway, he gave me your name as a reference. Is this a bad time or can you answer a few questions?”  
“Uh, no, now is fine. What sort of reference are you looking for? He left me a message but didn’t give me any details. Is it for some kind of job?”  
“No, not a job really. More of an apartment I guess. In a run-down house that I inherited. He’ll be helping out with renovations when he can, but it’s not really a job. Just a place to live.”  
Jones wasn’t sure how to process that. “Neal Caffrey? Uh, Bennett? Wants to live in a run-down house? Why would he want to do that? That’s doesn’t sound like the guy I know.”  
Megan paused and then started to explain. “Well, I’m not really comfortable talking about him this way but he told me to answer any questions you had, so I’ll try to explain. About two months ago he was traveling through the area. I’m calling from Indiana, by the way. Anyway, he was driving through the area at night and a semi-truck lost a tire which flew across the road and hit his car. He was hurt pretty badly and they had to amputate his left leg just below the knee. So, he’s been in rehab but he’s getting out tomorrow. I guess he decided to stick around this area for a while. He’ll be getting a prosthetic soon but there will be a period of adjustment where he will probably have to see his prosthetist frequently. He’s not sure how long he will be staying in the area and he doesn’t want to have to sign a lease for an apartment. So, listen, he told me about his criminal history and I spoke to his former landlady. I guess I just need to know if I’m crazy to take him in. He really seems like a nice guy but everyone thought Ted Bundy was nice too.”  
Jones just had to laugh. “Neal is absolutely no Ted Bundy. Yes, Neal’s a criminal, but he is the most non-violent criminal I’ve ever known. Here’s the thing about Neal; he was only convicted for bond forgery but he was suspected of a heck of a lot more. But we never found any indication of him taking advantage of anyone who couldn’t afford to lose what Neal allegedly stole. While he worked with the FBI he did an amazing job. He saved my life. I always knew going into any situation that he had my back. You want to give him a place to stay? I don’t think that’s crazy at all. I know people who would tell you he hasn’t changed and is still a criminal, but I worked with him and I’ve seen the changes. I think he’s really trying to start over. Tell him I’m sorry to hear about his accident and he should let me know if I can do anything for him. Actually, tell him to give me a call even if he doesn’t need anything. I’d love to hear from him. This place is kinda boring since he left.”  
“I’ll be sure to tell him that. Thank you for your help, agent Jones. Goodbye.”  
Jones sat at his desk after the call ended wondering if he should tell Peter about the call and Neal’s accident. Everyone knew that there had been problems between the two men, though no one knew the details. Peter hadn’t mentioned Neal since he left. After some thought Jones decided to wait and see if Peter ever talked about Neal. Maybe he’d casually mention Neal in passing to Peter to see what kind of reaction he’d get.


	3. Chapter 3

On the way to his new, temporary, home the foremost thought in Neal’s mind was “wow, there’s a lot of corn in Indiana.” As Megan drove up to her house he thought that it was just as it had been described. A run-down, big ol’ house. But he could see what it had once been. Large, yes, but homey and welcoming with a large screened in front porch. As he got out of the car and maneuvered with his crutches up the few steps to the door some questions came to mind. “So, I know you inherited this place. Who did it belong to? Did you grow up here?”

“Yes and no”, she replied. “It belonged to my grandparents. I spent summers here helping out with the gardening and house work. The house was built by my great-grandparents when they first came to the area back in the 20’s. They wanted a big house for a big family. They were farmers; raised cows, chickens and, of course, corn. My grandparents sold most of the land but kept enough for a small farm. I remember feeding the calves and chickens when I was a little girl. It was a peaceful, simpler time. I lease most of the land to a neighboring farmer but I have a big vegetable garden and some laying hens. This is where my roots are.”

“I think I understand. I’ve never had any roots to hold me like that, but it sounds nice. It sounds like something worth holding onto.” 

As they entered the house he looked around. The foyer looked like it had recently been painted and the hardwood floor had been refinished. “It looks like you are restoring the home to its former glory instead of modernizing it. I like that. Will you give me a tour and fill me in on your plans? I’d love to help with anything I can.”

“I’d be happy to show you around and hear your thoughts. I’ve already had the electrical and plumbing systems brought up to date. Most of the remaining work is the cosmetic stuff. Stripping wallpaper, painting, and refinishing the woodwork. There’s a small ‘mother-in-law apartment’ in the back of the house that I’ve cleaned up for you. You’ll have your own outside entrance and also a connecting door to the main house.”

“That sounds perfect. Let me know if I’m doing anything to annoy you or make you uncomfortable. I appreciate all you’re doing for me. I’ve already contacted a car dealer that Kevin recommended. They’re going to deliver a car tomorrow. I’ll still be having a lot of doctor and therapy appointments and I know you’ve got other things to do than drive me around.”

“I don’t mind, but with as much as I work you’ll need to be able to get around on your own. Now, are you hungry? I’m not much of a cook and there isn’t much food in the house. How about I take you out for dinner to celebrate your recovery progress?”

“Ok, sure, sounds great. But I’m a pretty good cook. Why not let me handle kitchen duty after tonight? I may not be able to help much with the renovations yet, but cooking is something I can do. The crutches might slow me down a bit but I can manage some simple meals.”

“That sounds great. While we’re out I’ll show you around. There isn’t much close by as you must have seen on the way here. But, if you drive into town you should find just about anything you need. I’ll show you where the grocery store is and the Walmart. If there’s anything specific you need I can tell you where to get it.”

“Thanks. For everything.”  
***********************************************  
Early the next morning Neal sat in wicker rocking chair on the front porch after Megan had left for work. The coffee was not as good as June’s, but the view was……different. Not bad. There was really no way to compare the two views. A million dollar view of New York City verses Indiana farmland. But the farmland had its own charm. He like the early morning sunrise over the fields of corn. Fresh air and birds singing. Neal rested his head on the back of the chair and slowly rocked as he tried to sort out his thoughts and emotions. Was he crazy to think he could do this? Start over? He just knew he didn’t want to go back to his old life. If the con was a high and an addiction, as he had told Peter, he had hit bottom and never wanted to go back to that life.

As he sat staring off into the distance he saw a car slowing to turn into the driveway. Kevin, his PT, got out and came up the sidewalk and waved. Neal smiled and called out to him. “Hey Kevin, come on in. What are you doing out this way? Checking up on me?”

“I just wanted to stop by and see how you are doing. Are you getting settled in okay?” Kevin asked as he took a seat in the chair next to Neal.

Neal laughed and replied, “You drove all this way to see if I’m settling in okay? Do you check up on all of your patients like this?”

“All this way? It’s only twenty miles. That might seem a long way in city traffic but here in the country that’s just a nice relaxing drive. And no, I don’t check up on all my patients like this, but I’d like to get to know you better. After all, you are living here with my wife’s sister, and you did tell me a bit about your past as a criminal. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s just that I don’t know you very well. We don’t have enough time to just talk during your physical therapy and I’m wondering how you’re doing. Not just physically, but also emotionally. Most people who have experienced an amputation like you did have some difficulty adjusting. A grieving process I guess. But you don’t seem to have gone through any of that. Am I wrong? I’m here if you want to talk about anything.”

Neal considered what Kevin had said and thoughtfully shook his head. “Well, I can totally understand your concern about Megan. I respect that and I’m willing to answer any question you have. You know, obviously I’m not happy about my accident. But one of the things that made me a good conman is my ability to adapt to whatever situation I find myself in. I learned early on in life that change is going to happen whether you want it or not, and when it comes you can either accept it or fight it. Now sometimes fighting it will work out, but there’s no way to fight this. So, now I’m doing my best to adapt. And I’ve always been good at hiding my feelings. You might not see it but I have been going through some depression, but not just because of my leg. Just, I don’t know,” he sighed, “there’s been more than the usual amount of stuff to adapt to lately.” Neal paused and considered how much he should he should tell Kevin. It would be good to be able to confide in someone. “When I was in the hospital they prescribed anti-depressants, but I haven’t taken them. It’s just how life is, ya know? There’s good times and bad. And while I’m going through a bit of a bad time right now there are good things mixed in. I would never have met you and Megan if I hadn’t had the accident.” 

Kevin nodded his head and smiled at that. “Well, ok, I guess that’s a good way to look at it. So, how are you adapting to country life? You’re pretty much of a city boy aren’t you? Are you planning on moving back to New York when you get through the recovery process?”

“At the moment I don’t have any interest in going back. I needed a change. This may not have been where I would have planned to live but, as you would say, it’s where God put me, right?”

Neal seemed a little uncomfortable talking about God and Kevin was careful not to jump on the topic too eagerly. “Anytime you want to talk give me a call. Can I ask you another question?”

“Sure, anything.”

“Can you play the piano?”

“Um, yeah, why?”

“Well, our piano player is out of town visiting her grandkids for the summer and I was thinking maybe you could come to church Sunday and play for us. We’ve been singing a cappella and let me tell you it’s not pretty. The bible says to make a joyful noise and I guess that’s what it is. Some accompaniment would sure help.” Kevin watched as Neal processed this new development.

“Play the piano in church, huh? Are you sure you want me to do it?” If Neal was honest with himself, and he was trying to be these days, he was a little freaked out by Kevin’s suggestion.

“I’m sure. But I have to tell you that my wife will probably interrogate you if you give her the chance. When I first mentioned to her about you staying here I left out the part about you being an ex-con. Not intentionally of course. But Megan told her about getting the background check done and, let’s just say Molly is curious about you.”

Neal smiled and nodded his head. “I can see how she might be curious. So what you’re saying is you want me to come to church, play the piano, and let your wife see for herself that I’m not a psycho-killer. I guess I can do that.”

“That would be great. Anything else you want to talk about?”

“What do you country boys do for fun? I think I heard someone mention fishing. I’ve never been fishing.”

“Yeah, I fish, but it’s been a while. Want to go Saturday?”

“Okay, I’ll give it a try. I guess it can't be any worse than watching baseball, right?” The smile on Neal’s face seemed oddly sad and Kevin wondered about the reason for that.

The conversation continued and covered a variety of topics. Neal felt that Kevin was someone he could come to trust in time.  
******************************************************  
In the next weeks Neal’s life developed into a comfortable routine. In the short time before he got his temporary prosthetic he did whatever he could to help out. Besides cooking he started using the riding lawn mower on the large yard. Weeding the garden and feeding the chickens were new experiences. The thought occurred to him that if he were still running and hiding from the feds they would never find him here.

He got his temporary prosthetic and his occupational therapy was going well. Kevin was impressed with how well he was doing. As his recovery progressed he was able to really get to work on the house. The weather had turned hot and humid, so painting was out, since Megan didn’t have air-conditioning. He did work on prepping the walls. Scraping, sanding and cleaning them so they’d be ready to paint as soon as the weather changed.

Megan worked long hours as a home-care nurse and she appreciated the amount of progress he made while she was away. Megan was not just beautiful, but she was also kind and intelligent. He felt comfortable talking to her about things he would never have told anyone else. Sometimes he was shocked at how much he told her. Now here he was telling her about his history with Peter. “So, he chased me for three years before he caught me. I would send him birthday cards every year. I sent take-out food to him and his surveillance crews. He finally caught me though. I was sentenced to four years. I sent him birthday cards from prison. He always thought the cards were just me messing with him but that wasn’t it. I truly wished for him to have happy birthdays. I respected him. I thought he was one of the most honest and decent people I had ever known. There’s not many people that I trust, but I trusted Peter more than almost anyone.” 

He stopped talking then; he sighed and slowly shook his head. Tears came to his eyes as he continued. “Tomorrow is his birthday. I didn’t send a card. He wouldn’t have wanted one from me. And, I just couldn’t get myself to send one.” Even after all these months it still hurt to know that Peter regretted making Neal his CI and thought of him as nothing but a criminal.

“You still miss him a lot, don’t you?”

Megan had a way of looking at him that made him want to be honest. She was so open with her thoughts and emotions. He felt that she understood him. “Yes, I do miss him. But I see now that the relationship I thought we had never really existed outside of my imagination. I miss working with him and talking to him. But I’m trying to move on because I realize that he never will trust me. He’ll never see me as anything but a criminal.”

“Maybe someday he will. Anyway, I trust you. If anyone would have told me I’d be best friends with an ex-con I would never have believed it. But life is full of surprises, isn’t it?”

“I’m your best friend?” Neal was surprised, and pleased, to hear that. He had known they were good friends but he was afraid of hoping for more.

She seemed to hesitate before answering, then took a deep breath and replied “Actually, I’m starting to think of you as more than a friend. Would it scare you off to know that I’m in love with you?”

They were sitting together on the couch and he reached over and took hold of her hand. “No, that doesn’t scare me. I love you too. I’ve wanted to tell you that for a while but didn’t want things to be awkward if you didn’t feel the same. So, I guess we should start dating?” He laughed.

She smiled shyly. “Yeah, dating would be a good idea.”  
***********************************************  
As Peter and Elizabeth entered their home he couldn’t help thinking how happy he should be. He had a beautiful wife who loved him, a good job, co-workers he could depend on. It had been a good day. Elizabeth had taken him to a Yankee’s game and then to dinner at their favorite restaurant. He took her in his arms and gave her a hug and a kiss. “Thank you, El. It’s been a wonderful day.”

“You’re welcome, hon. Happy Birthday. I love you so much.” She smiled up at him. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed that something is bothering you. What’s wrong? Besides, of course, that the Yankees lost. You’ve had a faraway look in your eyes all day.”

“It’s nothing. Come on, let’s sit down and relax a while.”

“It’s Neal, isn’t it? This is the first year since you started chasing him that he didn’t send you a birthday card. You miss him, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do. I was so angry at him though. I said things I should never have said. Hurtful things. I doubt he’ll ever forgive me. I don’t expect I’ll hear from him again.” Leaning his head back on the sofa, he sighed and shook his head. “I don’t know what his plans were when he left. I didn’t ask him. I don’t think he told anyone at the office. The only people who might know are Mozzie and June and I’m sure they won’t tell me.”

El nodded. “Mozzie must have gotten rid of any phone that I knew of. He hasn’t answered my calls. When I tried calling Neal his phone was out of service. I owe him an apology. It was a horrible situation and we weren’t very understanding of what he was going through. I know you hate what he did to clear your name but you were innocent and it seemed like we were out of options. He did what he felt he had to do to keep you from going to prison but he paid a high price. We should try to find him. You’re an FBI agent; you can find him, can’t you?”

“Maybe. I can try. But I’m not sure if I should. He’s spent so many years being chased. He’s free now. Maybe we should just let him be and hope he’s happy.”

“But hon, you wouldn’t be chasing him. Not like before. You’d just be looking for a friend who deserves an apology. We can find him and apologize and then leave it up to him to decide if he wants to stay in contact.”

Peter sighed. He really did miss Neal and even if Neal wouldn’t forgive them he still deserved an apology. “Ok, let’s do it. We can look for him without chasing him. I just hope that when we find him he hasn’t gone back to his old ways. There’s no way I could arrest him again. It would tear me apart.”  
****************************************************  
The next morning, as Neal was cooking breakfast, Megan came up behind him and slipped her arms around his waist. “Good morning, Megan. Would you like some coffee, dear?” He turned in her arms and kissed her.  
“Dear? Is that what you’re going to call me?”  
As he poured her coffee into her favorite mug he replied, “It’s one option. Do you prefer Honey? Sweetheart? Darling? Pookie? Dumpling? Cariad?”  
She carried her coffee to the table and sat down while she listened to him list various terms of endearment. “Wait. What was that last one? I’ve never heard that before.”  
“Ah, it’s a Welsh word. It means love, darling, sweetheart.”  
“I like it. I didn’t know you spoke Welsh. You'll have to teach me.” As she looked at him she realized there was a lot she still didn’t know about him. But she also knew that he had told her more about himself than he had anyone else. “Listen, I’ve been wanting to talk to you more about what you said about Peter. Maybe you should call him. Or just send him a late birthday card. Just to let him know that you are open to communication.”

“Well, Cariad, I don’t think there’s much point in contacting him. I’m happier now than I’ve been in a very long time and I think it’s best to leave the past behind me. Now, here’s your breakfast. You don’t want to be late for work, do you?”  
********************************************  
“Jones, I brought you some coffee. Do you have a minute to talk?” Peter had been over this in his mind and decided to use the direct approach.

Jones took the coffee with a puzzled look on his face. “Thanks, Peter. Always time to talk to the boss. What’s up?”

“When Neal left did he tell you his plans? Where he was going or what he was going to do?”

Jones had wondered if Peter would ever try looking for Neal. He and Neal had spoken several times in the weeks following his conversation with Megan. Neal had carefully avoided any mention of Peter. And Peter hadn’t mentioned Neal since the day he removed the anklet. “Is there a specific reason you’re wanting to know? Do you suspect him of something? We all know you two had some kind of serious issue in the months before he left.”

Peter was clearly uncomfortable. Looking down, he massaged the back of his neck and sighed. “Yeah, we had some problems. I owe him an apology but I have no idea where he is. He may not be interested in anything I have to say. He didn’t even send me a birthday card this year and you know he even sent me cards from prison. I’m hoping he isn’t out there somewhere allegedly doing the things he allegedly used to do.”

“Well, I can give you his phone number and address. I’ve talked to him a few times and from what he says you don't need to worry about anything alleged. He’s been through a lot these last few months and would probably like to hear from you. Better yet, you could use some of your vacation time to go visit him. You ever been to Indiana?” Jones tried to hide a smile. Sure, he’d talked to Neal a few times but it was hard to picture Neal doing some of the things he told Jones about. Painting the house, sure, easy to imagine. But feeding chickens. Fishing? He’d pay good money for pictures of that.

Peter’s eyebrows rose as he processed what he had just heard. “Indiana? I suppose Indianapolis has museums, but it doesn’t seem like Neal’s kind of town. Why Indiana?”

“He’ll have to tell you that himself. And he’s not in Indianapolis. He’s near a town called Greenfield. I hear their main claim to fame is being the birthplace of James Whitcomb Reilly.”

“Who?”

“Exactly. I guess he was a poet or something.”

“Give me the address. I’ll talk to El and see if she’s up for a road trip.”


	4. Chapter 4

As time passed Neal felt like he was emerging from a long dark night. He’d bought some paints and canvases and set up a little studio in a corner of Megan’s unused dining room. Then, through Megan’s contact with an old friend on the police force, he was asked to do some sketches of some suspects who had scammed an elderly lady out of nearly a thousand dollars. The local cops used to have to borrow a sketch artist from Indianapolis. It wasn’t steady work but he was pleased to be able to use his talent to help people. When he had been talking to the victim, as he sketched, she had suggested to him that he should contact the art gallery in town. They were looking for someone to teach some classes and, based on what he had told her about his painting, she thought he would be an ideal candidate. When he checked into it he found they were starting a class for senior citizens. Although they were at first hesitant to hire a convicted felon, his references were excellent. It was good to have friends. It was good to have friends like an FBI agent, a Baptist pastor, and a former police officer. 

A few days after getting the gallery job he got his new prosthetic. It was amazing how well he had adapted to the loss of his leg. In some ways he considered it a blessing. He felt like a heavy weight was slowly being lifted from him. He was building a new life for himself. He had new friends who he felt were genuinely concerned for him and not just interested in what he could do for them. Even the folks at church treated him with kindness and respect even though they knew about his criminal past. He shook his head thoughtfully and tears came to his eyes. He had friends, real friends, who didn’t see him as just a criminal. People who didn’t examine his every move looking for ulterior motives. He felt like a new person.

******************  
The next day he was reminded of a conversation he’d had with Kevin when he first got out of rehab. “There’s good times and bad times. That’s just how life is.”

“Here, Neal, we need to elevate your foot and put this ice pack on your ankle. It should help the swelling.”

“Yes, Kevin, I was there when the doctor said it was just a minor sprain and I should keep it elevated and put ice on it. I’m not deaf or stupid, ya know.” He sighed in irritation, then instantly felt guilty for snapping at Kevin. He took a deep, calming breath. “I’m sorry, Kevin. I’m sorry. I appreciate your help. I’m just angry at myself for letting this happen. I AM stupid.” He frowned and closed his eyes trying to hold back the tears of frustration. 

“Neal, accidents happen. It doesn’t mean you’re stupid.” Kevin paused a moment waiting for Neal to calm down. “Just tell me how you fell so we can figure out why it happened.”

“No.”

“No? If we don’t figure out why it happened it could happen again.”

“I know why it happened and it won’t happen again. Just forget it. I’m not talking about this anymore.” Neal stubbornly crossed his arms over his chest and stared at Kevin.

Kevin just as stubbornly stared back, and then noticed something he’d never seen before. Neal’s cheeks were red. It could be a fever, but the redness seemed to be deepening as he watched. “Neal, are you embarrassed about what happened? You know I won’t repeat anything you tell me if that’s the way you want it. It’s just between you and me.”

Neal sighed, again, and ran his fingers through his hair. “Fine! Last night I was in pain and I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t think ibuprofen would be strong enough so I took one of the prescription pain pills that I had from the hospital.” Neal stopped talking and looked away. 

“And? Then what?”

“Don’t laugh.”

“Why would I laugh? You fell and sprained your ankle. There’s nothing funny about that.”

Neal slowly started talking again. “Pain pills and I don’t mix well. I took the pill and was able to get to sleep. Early this morning I woke up and needed to use the bathroom. I got out of bed, still spacey from the pill, and forgot I was missing half my leg. Then….WHAM! Hello, floor.”

“Oh, I see.” Kevin nodded with a serious expression on his face, but there was something wrong with his voice. It was a little squeaky sounding.

Neal nodded and watched as Kevin struggled to remain serious and professional. It had been a stressful morning. After he fell he had tried calling out for Megan but remembered she had an early appointment and had already left. Then he had to crawl to the phone and wait for the ambulance. Then there were X-rays and the long wait for the doctor to come back with the diagnosis. He had called Kevin while he was waiting and Kevin had been there to give him a ride home after he was released from the ER. Neal was tired and embarrassed.

Kevin reached over and put a hand on Neal’s shoulder. “Look, Neal, this is nothing to be embarrassed about. It happens more often than you think.”

Neal reached into his pocked and pulled out the little packet of pain pills they had insisted on giving him when he left the ER. He held them out to Kevin. “Could you get rid of these for me?” 

Kevin tried to hold back the laughter but when Neal started laughing he gave up. After they had both regained their composure Kevin agreed that getting rid of the pills was a wise decision.

After a few minutes of silence Neal spoke softly. “Kevin?”

“Yeah, Neal?”

“Do you want to know the most embarrassing part of this whole fiasco? The fiasco that started with me waking up and urgently needing to use the bathroom?”

Kevin looked at Neal. Neal looked back.

“No, Neal, I think I have all the information I need about the incident.” Neal made a snorting sound as he started to laugh again. 

********************************  
It was early on a Monday morning and, as he got out of bed, he thought to himself that although he enjoyed his new life he did sometimes miss his old life. Working with Peter and the White Collar crew had been fun sometimes. June had been so good to him right from the start. Her trust and love had gotten him through his darkest moments. She was still there for him. They talked often and she was even planning to come for a visit. She never mentioned Mozzie though. He had thought he and Mozzie would grow old together and spend their golden years planning fantasy crimes while most folks their age planned trips to the Walmart for hair dye. But, there was no use dwelling on the past. He would never miss the tracking anklet, nor would he miss the two mile radius and the daily reminders that he could be sent back to prison for stepping out of line. Looking back wouldn’t do anything but put him in a down mood and it was too beautiful of a day for that.

Using his cane, he entered the main part of the house through the connecting door from his apartment and called out to Megan to let her know he was there. “Megan, I’m putting the coffee on. Make sure you're decent before you come into the kitchen.” He smiled. There had been that incident last week which had left her quite embarrassed, although he certainly hadn’t minded. She had looked so cute in her little pajamas. He’d never known anyone who blushed like she did.

Megan took his breath away sometimes. She was so beautiful…inside and out. He had loved Kate and Sarah but this was different. Kate and Sarah had both been intense, high energy women who would probably never have wanted to settle down with him. Neither of them had fully understood how much he wanted, and needed, to settle down. He had never let them see that. But Megan had a peacefulness about her. She was calm, loving, and self-assured. She could be independent but not stubbornly so. If she needed help she’d ask. If she needed a hug she would reach out without fear of being seen as pathetic and needy. She was teaching Neal to be more open with his feelings and, though it sometimes scared him, he never wanted to go back to the emotionally guarded person he had been. He loved her deeply and that made him happy and scared at the same time.

He started the coffee and began cooking breakfast for Megan, since he knew she had some early appointments. Her job as a home-care nurse meant that she sometimes worked long days traveling from one appointment to another. As he put on the coffee he heard a car coming up the driveway. It was a little early for visitors. Since he could hear Megan already heading to the door he continued fixing breakfast. It would be a beautiful morning to enjoy his coffee on the front porch after Megan left for work. He would enjoy watching the humming birds and squirrels. The thought made him laugh. Neal Caffrey really was becoming a thing of the past.

He was just getting the coffee mugs out of the cupboard when he heard Megan coming in with the visitors. “Neal, you have company.” He turned around and when he saw who was standing there he froze. It was suddenly hard to breathe. For a brief moment he felt overwhelmed by fear, doubt, and panic. Then the old instincts kicked in. He straightened his posture and he tried to shut out his emotions. He pasted on the fake ‘Caffrey smile’.

“Peter, what’s the count up to? Four and oh? I’m surprised you’d bring Elizabeth along to arrest me though.”

“As far as I know there’s no reason to arrest you. Unless you’ve done something since you left New York?” And there it was, the suspicion again.

“No, nothing since I left. I’m a fine up-standing, law-abiding citizen.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” Peter took a deep breath and shook his head. “There are no ongoing investigations in which you’re a suspect. They wouldn’t have commuted your sentence if you were suspected of any crimes. You’re free.”

Neal maintained the fake ‘Caffrey smile’. “Would you like some coffee while I finish cooking Megan’s breakfast?”

Megan had stood quietly observing the conversation. She understood that Neal felt threatened and was putting up emotional walls to protect himself. Peter and Elizabeth had hurt him so much in the past and yet he had taken the blame for it in his own mind. Neal had felt that he deserved their harsh words and coldness. Megan wanted to tell these people off and let them know they were unwelcome in her home, but she knew Neal needed to handle it himself. “Neal, I’m afraid I'm running late and don’t really have time to eat. I’m sorry.”

At that Neal turned and retrieved the toast from the toaster and quickly turned her breakfast into a sandwich and wrapped it. He held it out to her with one hand while he held out her lunch bag to her in the other. “Here, take it with you, but don’t eat while you drive. Be careful, and have a good day, Cariad.” He looked at her with a real smile and eyes filled with love. And though she was shy about public displays of affection she couldn’t resist putting her arms around his neck and giving him a gentle kiss. She wanted to reassure him that he was loved. Then she took the bags from his hands and turned to his guests.

“It was nice to meet you. Excuse me, I don’t want to be late” she said as she turned and walked out of the room. Megan didn’t hide her emotions well. She didn’t try to. It was obvious to Peter and Elizabeth that she loved Neal, and meeting them hadn’t been ‘nice’. 

It was also obvious that Neal didn’t think it was ‘nice’ to have them here. He once again pasted on the fake smile. “Coffee?”

“Coffee sounds great, but maybe we should have called first. If you’re busy we can talk some other time.” Peter was regretting that they had decided to just show up without notice. After what had been said and done in the past maybe Neal wouldn’t be willing to forgive them.

“Some other time? I wasn’t aware that you came to Indiana so often that you could just stop by some other time. Maybe I was wrong to assume you came here to see me for a purpose. Anyway, I’m not busy now. So, yes or no to the coffee?”

Elizabeth spoke up. “Yes, we would love some coffee. And we did come here for a purpose. Can I give you a hand with the coffee?”

Neal hesitated a moment. He was still standing behind the kitchen island and his cane was hidden from their view. He really didn’t think he needed the stupid cane but he had promised Kevin he would use it after he’d fallen and twisted his ankle a week ago. He could probably manage to pour the coffee and walk through the house to the front porch without the cane, but if he should trip….that would be humiliating. He grabbed the cane and walked to the cupboard to get out the coffee mugs. After he poured the coffee he turned to Elizabeth and answered her question. “If you wouldn’t mind carrying your own cups we can go out to the porch to talk. There’s usually a nice breeze this time of the morning.” Without waiting for a response he walked away and headed to his favorite chair on the porch. Peter watched him go with a stunned look on his face for a moment before following.

After they had all taken a seat Neal asked “So, why are you here?”


	5. Chapter 5

Peter shifted in his seat and rubbed the back of his neck. “Neal,” he sighed “We…I…I’m sorry. Look, what happened….” This wasn’t going well and Neal just sat there looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face. “What I said, well, I was wrong. I still don’t agree with the things you did to get me out of jail, but the truth is I would still probably be there if you hadn’t worked to get me out. I should have thanked you. And I want to ask you to forgive me for saying what I did about you being just a criminal. I was wrong. I’ve missed you and I hope you can forgive me.”

When Peter stopped talking Elizabeth took her turn to speak. “Neal, I blamed you for bringing your father into our lives. I blamed you for what he did. What I forgot was that we interfered when we invited him and you to dinner and put you into a position you weren’t ready for. You didn’t want to trust him and it turns out you were right. And when Peter got arrested I asked you to do whatever it took to get him out. I knew you would probably break the law to do it but I didn’t care. And I held the prospect of prison over your head, saying you needed to get Peter out so you would stay out of prison. I know that was unfair and wrong. We love you, Neal, and we let you down. I’m so sorry.” When she finished she was fighting back tears. She sniffed a bit and said, “Please forgive us.”

“There’s really nothing to forgive.” Neal still was not showing any emotion, just flatly stating what he saw as the facts. “You were right about a lot of it. A lot of it was my fault. It was my father who killed Pratt and framed you. I knew when I made that deal with Hagan that eventually you would find out. I was pretty sure I’d end up in prison for the rest of my life because of it, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to fix what I’d screwed up. And I’ve been a criminal since I was six years old. So, you were right about that too. Even when I was old enough to get a job I just kept stealing. You were right. No need to apologize. I appreciate you coming here but you shouldn’t waste your vacation time on me.” He hoped they were getting the message that he just wanted them to leave.

Peter had listened to Neal and felt a tightness in his chest. Neal clearly didn’t want them here and seemed to think he deserved the way they had treated him. He shook his head. “NO! Neal, you are NOT responsible for what James did. You didn’t screw anything up. We did. We screwed up and let you down. Neal, please listen. You were the best partner and friend I ever had. Please come back to New York. I know the Bureau would offer you a job as a paid consultant. We could work together again.”

“Peter, I appreciate what you're saying. I appreciate the job offer, but I don’t want to go back to New York. It’s not my home anymore. I don’t want to go backwards at all. I like my life here. I like the people here. They treat me with respect and kindness even though many of them know about my past. They don’t look down on me. I can just be myself here. I’ve spent too many years trying to be what others expected me to be; too many years trying to make people happy. You think you know me so well because you spent years chasing me, but you don’t know the real person I am. You don’t.”

“Maybe I don’t. I don’t know much about your childhood. I don’t know what kind of a criminal you could have been when you were only six. But I think I know more than you realize. I know you care deeply about your friends and would do anything for them. You have risked your life and your freedom for them many times. You value your friends more than you value yourself. I’m ashamed to say I’ve taken advantage of that. I caught you because you loved Kate so much you didn’t care about your own safety. Neal, if you don’t want to come back to New York I understand. We’ll miss you, but we want you to be happy. Are you really happy here? Talk to us. Help us understand. Tell us about your new life. Clinton said you've been through a lot since you left New York, but he didn’t give me any details. I’d like to hear about it.”

Neal sat still a moment and considered how to answer that. As he was trying to get his thoughts straight he heard a car pulling into the driveway. Looking up he saw that it was Kevin and he felt some of the tension that had been building up start to ease. Peter noticed the change in his body language. Whoever this was it was clear that Neal felt comfortable with the man.

Neal got up to open the screen door as Kevin walked up the steps. After making the introductions, Neal was walking back toward the chair he had been sitting in but stopped when Kevin spoke to him. “Why aren’t you using the cane?”

“Two reasons. First, I don’t think I need it. My ankle isn’t hurting much anymore. Second, I have been using it, but it was only a few steps from the chair to the door and I was sure that if I fell you’d help me up. It’s what you do, right?” Neal smiled.

“Yes, it’s what I do. But since you haven’t sat down yet why don’t you prove to me that you don’t need the cane by leaving it here while you go get me some coffee.” Kevin sat down in a chair facing the interior of the house and watched Neal walk toward the kitchen.

Neal could feel Kevin watching him walk and knew he was evaluating his progress. “Are you enjoying the view, Kevin?” he asked.

“You’re not my type” Kevin answered and laughed. Turning to Peter and Elizabeth he said, “I have a feeling I interrupted a serious conversation. Is there a problem?”

“No, no problem,” Peter replied. “We came to apologize and ask him to forgive us for some things we said and did.”

“And how was that going?”

“All in all I think we were about to crash and burn. He isn’t making it easy. But I don’t guess we deserve easy.” Peter sighed and rubbed a hand across his face in frustration.

“Well,” Keven seemed to hesitate before continuing. “If you don’t mind me butting in I’ll see if I can help.”

“Please,” Peter said as Neal came back and handed Kevin a cup of coffee.

“Please what” Neal asked as he sat down. When no one spoke he asked again “What?”

Kevin spoke first. “I had said to Peter and Elizabeth that I felt like I was interrupting a serious conversation. Peter said they came to apologize and it wasn’t going well. I offered to butt in because that’s also what I do. He accepted the offer. So, why don’t you explain why they felt like their apology was about to crash and burn, as he put it.”

Neal sighed and looked away. What could he say? He wanted them to crash and burn? He wanted to hurt them like they had hurt him? He was afraid to trust them again and end up hurt again? All those things were true but he knew Kevin. He knew what Kevin would say to all of that. ‘Forgive seven times seventy the bible says. You’re only hurting yourself when you harbor anger and bitterness in your heart.’ He used to hear Peter’s voice in his head telling him the right thing to do, now it was Kevin’s voice. The difference was that Peter lectured, and even nagged sometimes, but Kevin counseled and encouraged. And he knew Kevin was right; he should forgive. “Fine” Neal turned to look at them. “Fine, I forgive you. Let’s forget about it and move on.” A small, very small smile appeared on Neal’s face. He smiled but the expression on his face looked more like one of defeat than forgiveness.

Kevin had volunteered to butt in and he wasn’t about to do it in half measure. “Neal, I’m glad you are willing to forgive but maybe this isn’t just about forgiving and moving on. Maybe there needs to be some reconciliation. I think you should explain your thoughts and feelings about whatever happened. I’m sure your reluctance to forgive wasn’t just based on childish pettiness. Talk to them.”

Neal took a few calming breaths before speaking. “Ok, do you remember that time you said that when you can’t trust me there is still faith?” Peter nodded. He had said that at the FBI conference. “Well, for starters I don’t understand the difference. When OPR framed me for stealing the pink diamond I told you I didn’t do it. Now, I understand why you had to arrest me, but I don’t understand why, when I told you I didn’t do it, you never had any doubts about my guilt. Where was faith or trust then? You didn’t do any investigating until after Mozzie found the shredded transcript that Fowler threw in the trash. I escaped and showed you the transcript and you had a fit because they had planted a bug in your house. You were more upset about the invasion of your privacy than about me being framed and thrown back in prison. Where, by the way, I could have been killed for being a snitch.

“And then there was the time with the U-boat. You had me up all night doing a polygraph. You took Adler’s word over mine. I’m not sure you believe me about that even now. I didn’t steal the treasure. And you made your distrust so obvious. How was I supposed to tell you that I knew where it was after I found out? You’d never have believed that I hadn’t known all along.

“When you were thinking of taking the job in DC you told Jones not to take me on. I know about that. You told him not to throw his career away on me. I was being blackmailed by Hagan because of what I did to get you out of prison and I couldn’t tell you because you’d have arrested me and thrown me in prison; probably for the rest of my life. There have been so many times when I’ve gone over it in my head and wished I’d just let your precious system take care of you instead of trying to fix it myself. You’ve never trusted me or had faith in me, why should I trust you now?” He finished speaking and looked from Peter to Elizabeth. They both had tears in their eyes.

Elizabeth reached over and put her hand on Neal’s arm. “I can’t give you a reason to trust us. You're right about the way we treated you. There is no excuse and I’m not going to try to justify what we did. But, Neal, we are so sorry. We do care about you and if you can forgive us someday, we’ll be here ready to rebuild our friendship.”

Neal sighed and shifted in his chair. There was a moment of silence while they waited for Neal to respond. Kevin was sitting quietly with his head bowed. Neal knew Kev was praying for him. In that moment Neal could see how difficult it had been for the Burkes to come here. “Well, I know there were a lot of times you were right not to trust me.” Neal continued reluctantly, “Can you forgive me?”

“Yes. Of course.”

Neal leaned his head back against the chair and sighed. “Just before Kevin got here you asked if I was happy here and why I decided to live here. Well, I am happy here. I’ve made friends here, but I didn’t know anyone when I came here. This wasn’t my intended destination. That day when you took the tracker off for the last time I just got in a car and took off. Mozzie and I had had a terrible fight. He walked out and said he wasn’t going to waste anymore time on me. I just needed to get away from New York. I guess I was running away. I had no plans. Just a car and some money and a determination to start over. I drove all day and a little after it got dark I was in a car accident.”

“Oh, Neal.” Elizabeth softly gasped out. “We had no idea.”

“There was no reason why you should, Elizabeth. I woke up in the hospital the next day. They said that I would need to be in rehab for a while, so I decided to stay here for that. The place and the people grew on me. Megan agreed to let me live in an apartment she has. I’ve been helping her fix up the place a bit. Kevin has been helping me get my life together.” He glanced over at Kevin for a moment. “Megan and I are dating now. She’s amazing” Neal continued. “She makes me want to be a better person. I sold the bakery a few months before leaving New York and I got enough money from the insurance settlement after my accident that I won’t need to worry about money for a while. I’ve sold a couple of paintings and I’m going to be teaching an art class at the local gallery. My life here is good.”

Peter could see that Neal was sincere. “I’m happy to hear that Neal. You deserve to be happy. So, this accident you mentioned? That’s why you're using the cane?”

“Sort of.” He put his leg up on the footstool, pulled up his pant leg and showed them the prosthetic; not pausing long enough to allow time for pity. “I can get around pretty well now, but I…….I fell last week and sprained my ankle. It’s almost healed now. I met Kevin when I was at the rehab facility after the car accident. He was my physical therapist. When I needed a place to stay after rehab he introduced me to Megan.”

Kevin set his coffee cup down on the side table and stood up. “It looks like you don’t need me here anymore so I’m going to take off. Peter, Elizabeth it was nice to meet you. If you’re going to be around for a few days I’d really like it if you would come to dinner. I know my wife would like to meet you too.”

Peter stood up and shook hands with Kevin. “We’ll probably be here about a week. We’d love to come to dinner and meet your wife.”

“Great. I’ll get in touch with Neal after I talk to Molly. Neal, I’ll catch you later, ok?” Kevin gave Neal a concerned look as he stepped towards him and gave him a brief hug.

“Ok, thanks, Kevin.”

Neal walked with Kevin to the door and he heard Kevin say quietly, “Call me if you need anything.”

“Count on it” Neal said just as quietly and then turned to talk to Peter and Elizabeth.

“So, do you two want any more coffee?”

Elizabeth stood up. “I would love some more coffee. And would you mind showing me where the bathroom is?”

They walked toward the kitchen and Neal pointed Elizabeth in the direction of Megan’s bathroom.

Neal refilled their coffee cups and he and Peter sat down at the kitchen table.

“Neal, I really am glad you’re happy, but………..”

“But what, Peter?”

“Indiana? This just doesn’t seem like you. Sure, it’s nice here. Kevin and Megan seem nice.” Peter sighed, leaned back in his chair and rubbed the back of his neck. “Look, I know things were bad between us before you left. You were under a lot of stress. Do you think this might just be another way of running away. You had a life in New York. Friends. A job. This just doesn’t make sense to me.”

Elizabeth stood frozen in the doorway. “Oh, Peter. I can’t leave you alone for a minute. Things were going so well and now you’re talking down to him like you think he’s stupid.”

Neal’s eyebrows went up as he listened to Elizabeth scold Peter.

“I didn’t say he was stupid. I don’t think he’s stupid. It’s just…..”

Neal smiled and tilted his head as he interrupted Peter. “You just think I’m reacting to stress by running away and hiding. Yes, I’ve already admitted that I ran away from New York. But, Peter, I’m not running now. I’m not hiding here. I know what I want. For the first time in years I know what I want. Look, I get it. This isn’t the kind of thing Neal Caffrey would do. But you need to remember that Neal Caffrey was an alias. He was a character created by Mozzie and me for a specific purpose. I wasn’t born wearing a little three piece suit, you know?”

“Awww.” 

Neal looked at Elizabeth. “Awww?”

“I was just picturing baby Neal in a tiny three piece suit and fedora. You would have been so cute.”

“I was probably pretty cute in my baggy diaper and onesie.” He winked at her before continuing. "Really, Peter, you need to see the difference between me and the Caffrey character. Yes, after so many years his character became closer to my reality, but there are still differences. I learned to like the Rat Pack because of Caffrey but when I was a teenager I used to listen to George Strait and Randy Travis. Before I met Mozzie I wore jeans and t-shirts from the thrift store. I had to learn to be comfortable in a suit.”

“But you like going to museums and fancy restaurants. You like Italian roast coffee. You’ll miss those things.” Peter was starting to feel unsure of himself but he still pressed his point.

“Just because I’ll be living here doesn’t mean I can’t visit New York, or London, or Paris. And I don’t need fancy restaurants. I like cooking and going out for pizza, too. And I’ve asked June where she gets the good coffee and I’m going to order some. But this coffee isn’t bad.”

Peter slowly nodded his head. “Ok. You know I just want what’s best for you.”

Neal rested his arms on the table and leaned forward. “I know that, Peter. And I appreciate it. Really I do. But you need to accept that you aren’t necessarily the expert on what’s best for me. You’re only the expert on catching me and that’s a skill you won’t be needing anymore.”

“Honestly, I’d rather quit my job than have to put you in prison again.” Peter started to get choked up and his eyes were stinging with unshed tears. “I believe you, Neal. And I want, more than anything for Elizabeth and I to be the kind of friends you deserve. I hope you can trust us enough to let us get to know this new side of you.”

“Can you trust me? You never have before. I know I gave you reasons not to sometimes, and I can’t blame all of the mistrust on you, but……..you have to know I never wanted to hurt you.” A tear slipped down Neal’s cheek and he quickly wiped it away. 

“I do know that. Come here.” Peter got up from his chair and walked around the table as Neal stood up. It was a hug like they’d shared in Cape Verde. And then it was Elizabeth who was hugging him.”

After the hugging Neal felt a lightness of heart that he hadn’t expected to feel when he saw Peter and Elizabeth walk into the kitchen just a short time before.

“Let me show you around. You can see my apartment and I’ll show you the work I’ve been doing on the house.”

“We’d love to see it. But, Neal?” Elizabeth couldn’t suppress her curiosity. She had to ask. “I thought you and Megan were together. Why do you have your own apartment?”

“We’re taking things slowly. Rushing into relationships hasn’t worked so well for me in the past if you recall. And Megan wants to wait until we’re both sure. We’re having fun getting to know each other. But………I already bought an engagement ring and I’m going to ask her to marry me soon. I’m pretty sure she’ll agree to a very short engagement.” El practically screamed with excitement when she hugged him.

After showing them the house he led them outside and around to the back of the house. "I've got something else to show you."Going into a small shed he came out with a bucket and walked toward a fenced in area. “Here chick, chick, chick!” As he started tossing the contents of the bucket he was surrounded by chickens pecking at the ground. “These are my girls.” He started pointing his finger at the chickens. “That one is Miss Rosemary. Over there is Thelma Lou. And there’s Aunt Bea, Clara, Helen, Juanita and those two are the Fun Girls. Megan says I spent too much time watching the Andy Griffith Show while I was in the hospital.” Peter just stared at him with raised eyebrows; speechless. “Peter, are you going to take pictures for Jones, or not?” Neal laughed again. “If you're going to be around for a few more days we can go fishing. He probably wants pictures of that too.”

“You go fishing?”

“Well, not on a regular basis. I’ve gone twice and I caught one fish which I threw back because it was too small. It’s not something I’m crazy about but I don’t hate it. It’s better than watching baseball.” 

Peter glared at him. “Baseball is a great sport.” 

**************************************************************************

Peter and Elizabeth stayed a week and spent time rebuilding their relationship with Neal. They also had the chance to get to know Megan, and Kevin and his wife, Molly. They could see that Neal was more relaxed and happy than they had ever known him to be. On the day they were packing their car to head back to New York Neal asked to speak to Peter alone.

They walked into the back yard and stood under the shade tree. “Peter, I’m glad you came here. I missed you and I hated how things ended between us. Thank you for coming.”

“I’m glad I came too, Neal. Let’s not lose touch again. If you ever come to New York for a visit you be sure and come to dinner.”

“We are thinking of going to New York for our honeymoon. But first I’m going to need a best man for the wedding. Any chance you can come back next month for that?”

Peter smiled and grabbed Neal in a hug. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

As he let Neal go and stepped back he saw tears on his friend’s cheek. Neal sniffed a little. “Are you going to tell me to cowboy up?”

“Not this time, Neal. Not this time.”

The end (for now)  
XOXO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read this story. I hope you like how it ended. I'm thinking I may write a short sequel with Mozzie going to Indiana for a visit. Their's was such a great friendship but, for this story, I couldn't see Mozzie approving of Neal leaving 'The Life'. They had disagreements in the show but they always made up.


End file.
